The Death of A Child
I woke up very early this morning, reflecting on the parents I will be with today, who are saying goodbye to their three-year-old son. All those hopes and dreams the parents had for this child are now shattered. And it’s difficult for me to shake the pitiful sight of the young couple clinging to one another, with a mixed look of desperation and despair, the night I stood with them at hospital.
We have all experienced similar images in our lives and sadly we have also experienced real pain in ourselves. But we have tied our despair with faith and hope. Hope is the eternal driving force that remains even when our faith is tested beyond our capabilities. Hope always springs eternal. Yet faith is our seed of comfort and renewal.
In his book 'Beyond the Mirror,' Father Henry Nouwen reflects on death and life in the light of a serious accident one winter's morning. He speaks eloquently of the things that were important in his search for God, but concludes that 'it has been the interruptions to everyday life that have most revealed the divine mystery of which I am a part.'
Deep within each of us is the desire for security. To meet this, we construct around ourselves patterns of living that safeguard us from too much physical, emotional and spiritual discomfort. Interruptions threaten our ordered existence. For some, a break from those comfort patterns can push them deep into an abyss. Their world can collapse and sometimes it becomes impossible for them to climb above the precipice.
As Christians, there is a deep well of spirituality that speaks of God as our security. To lose our security and control over things often becomes the place where faith and hope have to be exercised.
It's often in that uncomfortable place, the place where we are not in control, that we find the interruptions that take something away, and yet, somehow, offer us something new in return.
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Labels: Comforting words for child dying, parents who have lost a child from cancer, terminally ill child, words of comfort for a child who has died, words of comfort for death of child
posted by Father Bill Haymaker | 10:41:00
4 Comments:
we also seek to maintain control over God, usually by exercising ritual devotion and prayer.
we feel that our religiosity is firm against the attacks of the forces of discord.
well, that is not the case.
To paraphrase a Buddhist story, the God we see is not God.
The God to whom we pray to allow us to win the lottery is not God at all.
I found that it is difficult even so to come to the point where one loses this false God.
When I came to that point - which was at the corner of Eschatology and Armageddon Streets - I found that immediately around the corner God was present.
Our son was killed by a knife attack last month. I can't get out of my mind that I wasn't there for him when he died. I can't make this image go away. But I'm trying. I've searched the internet trying to find words that can help take away some of the pain but they are all just words. What you wrote has helped though. I know you are a minister but you don't seem to be forcing the religious side on people. We have never gone to church but I feel as if we should now. This doesnt make sense because I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say. But thank you for your writings. They have helped me at night. I liked the one about only dying. LN
We saw on the BBC what happened to your son. It was so awful and unnecessary. In view of this I don't see how you can still write with such conviction and calm. Maybe its your faith. I guess so. When our son died it put a hatred inside me that I cant remove. I went to a counselor for almost a year but it was a waste of time and it still is. What is it that lets some people go on living and others just close up and never live again? I hope you can see my email address from this or I will try to find yours. I would like to know if you dont mind.
I have been trying to find words for the death of a baby. I was sent to your blog about words of comfort for a premature baby's death. I'm having trouble coping with everything right now but your words have helped some. I don't know if I believe in God especially after the death of my baby. I feel if he does exist he forgot about us. I'm sorry but that's the way I feel.
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